When you have had love and lost it through no fault of yours or your loved ones its so hard. Nothing either of you did or could have done can stop cancer. When cancer has its hold it wont let go. No matter how strong you both are. No matter how much you love each other, cancer doesn't care. So with this in my mind I am running 5k in aid of Cancer Research UK on Sunday. With a simple white piece of paper taped to my back and front with Steve's name on it. I could write so many things on it but instead I simply will have his name on it. I know what this means and I don't need to say more. The minutes and days have turned into weeks, months and years since I saw his smiling face. His voice and touch encouraging me on with everyday life. But now I feel it through the air. I can feel him and sense him. I still look to him for guidance. He looked at life as an adventure, one to grab with both hands and live. Which over the last few months I've been doing. I've suddenly found myself. A place where I accept that I can't change the past but I can certainly change the future. I had the most amazing time away in Thailand. A friend told me to make sure I experience everything and never being one to not take advise I certainly did that! And with bells on! And you know. I feel different. It was the first time in years where I didn't feel the burden of being a widow but instead found myself. Happy with life, not caring for material things but instead laughing and relaxing with great people. I feel great. I feel full of energy and like anything is possible. Like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I want to be happy and now for the first time feel like it's actually possible. Happiness with another person shouldn't be something I feel guilty about but instead I should shout about it. I am a live. I can't change the past but I can change the future. So it's with Steve's blessing that I now move forward to the next chapter of my life....